Shake it off, just shake it off . . . .

Okay, I know I need to blog about "Nunsense." And I will. Truth is, I don't think I can find words to express what that experience meant to me. But I shall try. Later. For right now though, a story.
I didn't like today. I don't like the person I am at my job. I like my job. Just not me at my job. So, lots of expectation, and pressure and shiz to do. All the time. And Ryan's been stressed. And that stresses me. Anyway, I came home and got Amylee ready to go to her first dance class. Her little tights, ballet shoes, leotard and skirt. I took her there and walked her into the room. She was so happy. And the music was so beautiful. And I watched her little arms move up and down and her little toes pointing and I all my stress, all my anger just sort of dissipated out of my body. And I got the distinct impression that was exactly where she needed to be. And I almost cried.
Then I spent the evening with my delightfully funny friend, Lindy. Oh she's wild. And makes me laugh so hard I almost pee. Our rules?
Rule #1. Obviously. Keep your clothes on
Rule #2. Check the tension
Rule #3. Shake it off, just shake it off
Rule #4. ROCK ON.
Theeeeennnnn . . . .I got to see my sister NUNS!! Sweet bug eatin Sister Hubert is moving far away to some town in Louisiana that is spelled one way and said another. She leaves Friday. I love this girl. And I was so happy to see her so happy and ready for this new adventure. And Sister Amnesia. And Reverend Mother. Sister Leo was at work. I miss them. I miss how I feel when I am with them. Over yogurt, there I was again. Me and Robert Anne, just chillin'.

I suck

I do. Completely. Tonight's rehearsal was . . . well, a big, fat joke. And yet, I still had a great time. How is that even remotely possible? I mean, we are talking major, MAJOR brain farts here. I stopped right in the middle of the tap number because I had zip idea what came next. WHAT??!?!? Then I forgot to sing. Then my solo came out sounding like a 1st grader at her end of year talent show. What the hell!?! And yet, on we went. Laughing, squishing beetle's. At one point I had severe anger for those beetle's and I may have jumped up and down on one. Repeatedly. Yes, it made me feel better.
We open on Thursday. I think I'm too old for this. OR something. If I lose focus for a second, I'm screwed. Who knows where I'll end up. And for those of you that know me well, it doesn't take much to pull my focus. I gotta get in the zone here. I gotta pray.
Let's all pray, shall we?

Shoes

It's crazy how a pair of shoes can make one so happy. My friend is reading my blog today, so I thought I would write about something. I also realized I said I was going to blog about my "Nunsense" experience, and I have not. So, here is a little post about shoes, AND the show.
See the shoes in this picture? (I hope it uploads). I get to wear those in "Nunsense." Why do I get to do that, you may be asking? Well, mostly cuz I just decided that's how it was going to be. I am not even sure I really ever checked with my director. Robert Anne seems like a green converse kinda gal. And when I put them on my feet for Tuesdays rehearsal, I felt like Benny from 'The Sandlot.' I could have outran a dog, no joke. Except that the first run through of Act II on tuesday resembled a train wreck, the second time we ran it we were super good and I really think my shoes helped. They do rub however against the blisters on the back of my feet, but that's another story I won't bore you with here.
Show Update: It's crazy fun and I love it! Except that sometimes it kicks my butt. This is very hard work that I had forgotten what it felt like. Except that I have never felt like this on stage before. It's very hard to describe. I acted all through high school, some college and community stuff. I guess during all that time I was trying to be good, like if I didn't prove I was good enough to be there the audience wouldn't like me. Or some stupid thing like that. I was always wondering what the audience was thinking of me instead of just giving over to the story and character. It really wasn't that much fun. I stand up there now and I LOVE telling her story. I love singing with my Sister Nuns. I just want to share with the audience how great this little show is. And in wanting to give so much it doesn't feel like it's about me at all. Because before, it was all about me. All the time on stage. And it's super weird, because I use to not wear my glasses on stage. I never really wanted to acknowledge an audience out there. How freakin' weird and stupid is that?! But it's true. Now, I have to wear my glasses. How will I ever see to connect with the people who have come to support us if I don't wear them. And it's weird for me. And I feel super vulnerable about it. And sort of all grown up.
I think it's the shoes.

I LIKE . . .

SUMMERTIME! Alot. I mean, like a ridiculous amount. Here are some reasons why (all mostly selfish, but whatev)
*Root Beer Floats. I swear I don't eat these 9 months out of the year. I don't know why.
* Late night jaunts to Smith's to get said items for RBF's.
*Hanging out with my sister-in-law/Best Friend, Krisite. I love her. We would be best friends even if we weren't related. Last week we sat in her back yard on her porch swings in the sun eating chips while the kids fought. It was heavenly.
*Late Night Reading
*The SUN!!! And being warm. Now I know the sun has not been out much, but it's not the bone-chilling cold that makes me so damn irritable.
*Nothing on my brain. Nothing
*I only have to dress up once a week, not six.
*Raspberry Ice Tea. There I said it. Only a few select people in my life know my affinity(I like word) to this beverage. Again, mostly just a summer drink.
*Sunday Night's. Knowing I don't have to get up and go anywhere the next day.
*Lunch dates with so many people I love!!
*Sleeping in. Duh.
I hesitate to say this, because then people will expect things from me, but I love to cook in the summer. And have already tried a new dish. Oh my, it was divine.
*The tank of gas in my van last FOREVER.
Happiness linked specifically to this summer:
UACTT (Utah Advisory Council of Theater Teachers) Conference in Cedar City next week!
Fitzmaurice Breathing/Vocal Technique Workshops (Truly, this work is incredible and vital for a performer. Also carries over into everyday life. Interseted? Let me know!)
Marsh Lake. Ah . . . . .
4th of July back at Dad Thorne's house after many years away!
I get to be in a show again!

These make me laugh . . .

1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10


No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry.
God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10


2.WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10


3.HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8


4.WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8


5.WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other.

Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10


6.WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7

-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and

have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- - Howard, age 8


7.IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys.

Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9


8.HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is...


9.HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
-- Ricky, age 10

Nunsense is Habit-Forming . . .Rehearsal Day 1

I'm gonna blog about this. Alot probably. Mostly because I want to keep track. Also because I think it's going to be really good for me to be on the other side for awhile and I don't want to miss any of it. And, sometimes I make my kids keep journals of what's going on with a show. I'm going to see if it's as useless as they sometimes act like it is.
I was so nervous. Rehearsal was suppose to start at 6:30pm and at 5:45 I was pacing around my kitchen so giddy and nervous all at the same time! I didn't know what to expect; never worked with this director, not knowing everyone, not being on stage for 8 years and forever before that. We had some craziness at our house so I ended up being 10 minutes late because of an unforseen (is that even a word) emergency. I was mad at myself for being late so I ran in screaming, "Don't kick me out, please don't kick me out!" Mostly I begged for forgiveness. I'm not ashamed of that at all.
So, in case you don't know, the premise of the show is that these five little nuns are doing a variety show to bury their dead sisters who died of botchulism (not spelled right) when Sister Juila, Child of God, made a batch of bad soup. The show is hilarious, completely inappropriate and has moments of complete blasphemy. Alyn, one of my very best friends who plays Reverend MOther, said it's okay to blaspheme because our audience will be mostly Mormon and not get why it's funny. She said this all the while laughing herself off her chair. ANYWAY, when I got into my van today I found a plate of cookies for the Little Sisters of Hoboken made by Sister Julia, Child of God (an anonymous nun). I took the cookies to rehearsal where Brittany (Sister Amnesia) ate one. Where upon she swelled up like a balloon because she is allergic to nuts which 'Sister Julia' had put in the cookies. Damn that Sister Julia, now she trying to off Sister Amnesia. Classic moment.
My friend Alyn is probably the funniest person I know. She is wild. And makes me wild. And we were wild all night long. I have no idea how I"m going to be in a scene with her and not laugh because tonight sitting by her trying to read through the play we were both peeing our pants. Good thing I have four months to get this right.
I get to be Sister Robert Anne. I love her. I forgot how naughty she is. She is constantly playing, and getting others to play with her. She is corrupting the novices, to which Sister Hubert replies, "Well, at least she's not in jail." I cannot tell you how many times my mother said that to me growing up. Robert Anne is the better part of me. I am super happy I get to be with her this summer.
The other Nuns are fabulous. Sister Leo(Heather) and I get to do a dying nun ballet dance where I shall lift her and douse her in soup with my ladle from my tureen. I'm also wearing green high tops. And I get to choreograph the tap number.
I loved, LOVED that our director (Andrew) just let us play tonight. He didn't try to direct us, he just let us go. I have never sat down to a cold reading and just let it all go, didn't care whether I sounded stupid or not. Being able to hear my voice and being bold with choices made the night so productive for me. I didn't feel scared. OR fake. And long, long story short, I quit acting 18 years ago because I could no longer hide behind this scared person I had been my whole life. I found me 18 years ago, and that me couldn't be on stage. It felt fake. I feel like now I am back to play, just me, all me. And I can't wait.
Today was frustrating at my work. Why people feel the need to say things that you don't really need to hear is beyond me. It was the best ever to go do something else tonight, and not be defined by the walls of DAvis High. There is more to me than my job.
Thanks for listening.

Mother's Day . . .a bit late

I am mostly amazed that I know these people. I am more amazed that they were willing to let me be there mom. Because I am a spaz. And I don't honor them nearly enough. They are teaching me more than I will ever learn from them. I see moments where I have faltered in raising them, but there is always something that makes up for it. Or takes it's place. I love these three pictures of them. Some of my favorite ones. Perhaps it's because I am perpetually baby hungry, but these pictures bring me joy. Being a mom is hard. It is kicking my butt. And it's just what I needed.

Surely Goodness and Mercy Shall Follow Me All the Days of My Life . . .

Just as sheep follow the shepherd
Because there is an affinity between them
So qualities and experiences and people follow us.

What we have become sings its own song
Vibrates like a tuning fork
And is answered by its equal.

I would bathe you, wrap you
In goodness and mercy, my love.
I would feed you goodness and mercy
Fill our home with the sounds and smells and speech
Of goodness and mercy
Until they are in the soft marrow of your bones
And in your expectation.

Look for nothing else.

Do not wake up thinking that something bad is coming.
I know people whose creed seems to be:
Surely badness and harsh judgment will follow me
All the days of my life, especially today
And I'd be better off to stay in bed.
Know that you are followed, tracked, pursued
Not by enemies and persecutors
But by your best friends: goodness and mercy.

What I would teach you, child, I first must learn.

I must become a mother who bathes and wraps herself
In goodness and mercy.
Giving all to you and nothing to me
Is not good.
Forgiving you and finding fault with me
Is not merciful.
I must anoint myself with the oil of gladness
Dress myself in colors of praise
Serve myself from a full table
That I might have life more abundantly.

And when I forget or fail
Then mercy from you and mercy from me.
What a wonderful foursome we make
As we walk this path:
You, me, and the promised
Goodness and mercy that will follow us
Surely, surely
All the days of our lives.

Carolyn Pearson

One of the many reasons why I love my husband . . .

An email sent to me today from Ryan:

"What a 2 weeks!!
I am so happy to be around you. I am so excited for the next three days, they are going to be great.
I hope you feel better today, you deserve to today. I heard 3 of our songs on the way to work today, reminded me of you and how much I love you.
I am blessed."
Love,
Ry

Shhhh, don't tell anyone . . .

Okay, so I'm gonna tell you something. Let us never speak of it again after tonight. I'm going to whisper it, so read closely: ienjoyedmyruntonight. Please don't say it out loud! My crazy running sister-in-law and wacked out running friends will hear you and then they'll be all over me like sweat on a sports bra. I have noticed I enjoy running more when I'm stressed, irritated or flat out pissed off at someone. Maybe it's because when I'm the aforementioned situation where that emotion arises, I don't feel like I'm going anywhere. And when I run, well, we're bookin' it around the track at the Clearfield Acquatic Center.
I'm still in audition hell. But here are a few things that have made me happy this week:
I have a new dishwasher. My husband bought it. God bless him.
I have a new Oak Ridge Boys CD that I found at Wally World for 5 smackers. Yeah, that's right, I said the Oak Ridge Boys. Judge me, why don't ya.
I have fresh flowers in the vase on my kitchen windowsill. (I don't think that's one word. Oh well.)
I get to eat chips and salsa with my cutest little friend tomorrow.
I found a necklace of garlic gloves in my prop room. I have hung them on the lamp that sits by my door in my class room. (I think that is one word).I plan on keeping them there to ward off evil parents next week after my lists go up. If a particularly nasty parent shows up, I may stand up and put it around my neck, grab the nearest wooden stake I can find, and trust me when I tell you there are a few of those in my classroom, and take matters into my own hands.
Oh, and if someone asks me 'is that okay?' one more time things are gonna get ugly.

Super Blessed

So, these two weeks at work are a bit stressful. I try to find the joy in it as well and it does exist. I am holding auditions for my Musical Productions class and Advanced Theatre class. In all, I will have seen 200 kids by next Friday. I keep saying to myself, "It's just high school, it's just an audition. It's not that big of a deal." But really, it is a big deal. I have seen lives change because of the relationships made in these classes. Friends made who will be friends for eternity. I feel a responsibility, that I gladly take on, to make sure each student is evaluated thoroughly so I can make the best decision possible for them. I am given insight that I really shouldn't have when it comes to knowing who should be where. I am grateful and humbled that Heavenly Father trusts me enough to take care of these monkeys.
I am super blessed because I have people in my life who check up on me EVERYDAY to make sure I am okay. My sweet principal who is just about the most dedicated man I've known, encouraged me to take the day off to go hear my dear friend Liz speak at women's conference. He needed me to sit in on interviews today for a new choir teacher, and instead, told me to 'be gone!' I have recently acquired a new friend(don't you love new friends!) who delivered to my desk today my favorite Gluten-free Red Velvet Cupcake because she knew I 'needed a little boost of love.' My friend Liz asked how I was, in the middle of the most anxious week of her life, she wanted to make sure I was doing okay. My sweet seniors check in with me everyday. Landon brought me food to last through the week; they text, pop their heads in, ask if I'm okay and if I need anything. My friend Syd comes and organizes all the forms so I can take them home and look them over. I mean, do you get what I'm saying?! It's like my Heavenly Father penciled them all in to make sure they have my back. And then, there is my husband. Where to even start. He gets this. He gets me. Two very important things. And when he says he'll be here for me, he is. And he lets me talk and gives THE best advice on what to do or where to go next. I can breathe when I get home because of him.
I just wanted to get this all down.

PG-13

What the hell!? I let my sister-in-law talk me into running Ragnar this year. I don't know what I was thinking. Seriously. Mostly because it's April, soon to be May. And in April, soon to be May, this little thing takes over my complete life called my job. The suckage that is my job occurs on many levels none of which I will bore you with here. Suffice it to say, there is zip time to train. Because . . .when I get home from said job I. AM. SLEEPY. Do you hear me?! Sleepy. Please don't leave a post that tells me exercising will increase my energy. It's lies. All lies, I tell you! I'm running tonight, trying to contact my inner runner? And you know who I found? My inner bitch, and she's is screaming at me and super pissed that I'm encroaching on her 'sit on your butt with a bowl full of Starburst Jelly Beans (thank you my love) watching TV and don't bug me' time. I also had to sign the waiver which in essence (among other things) said that if I happen to fall into a pothole while I am running I won't sue anyone. My mom thinks I could possibly run into a cow. I think that would hurt. Running into a cow. Perhaps I'll run with a knife. Even though Mrs. Hansen in first grade asked me not too. See, if I run with a knife, steak knife to be exact, when I hit the cow, and if I hit him hard enough, I can saw me off a piece of hiney and bbq that bad dog up and eat whilst I am running.
Oh, and I paid 90 bucks for this experience.

I had myself a hankerin . . .

So a few weeks ago I found myself in unchartered territory. My bestest friend Kristin directs the summer musical for Kaysville City. This year she chose to do "The Wizard of Oz." And I got to thinking, "I should go audition for the Wicked Witch." I laughed about it mostly. My students are always asking me to act and such. I actually just think they want to know if I do, in fact, know what the hell I am talking about. See, Ryan joked about going to audition for the Cowardly Lion. Take a moment here and picture the hilarity of that possibility. Okay, you done? Me too, I thought I would be priceless. So then I was like, "hey now, this could be a riot. Him as the lion, me as the witch. Too much fun." So, the more I think of it, the more excited I get. Like, really excited. Like, I really wanted to be in a show. Now, you must realize I have not wanted or had any desire to be on stage in years. YEARS, friends. I was in a show 8 years ago just so I could tap dance. And before that it was 8 years also. We are talking a long time. And not just a long time on stage, but a long time since I had felt that desire to want to play. So I check my calendar and as fate would have it, I will be presenting a conference at a workshop two days before "The Wizard of Oz" opens. I. Was. So. Sad! I think I would have been a delightful wicked witch. I was bummed. Now, fast foward about four days . . . .
I am standing in my kitchen reading through the Kaysville City Newsletter. When lo and behold, what do I see? An audition notice for a delightful little musical called, "Nunsense." Here is some background: my senior year of high school I did a humerous interp for debate. I chose to do a delightful little musical called "Nunsense" in which I would play all five of the sisters in the play at the same time. I fell in love with this show, this story and one particular nun, Sister Robert Anne. She is streetwise, car-driving, basketball playing nun who just wants to have a moment in the spotlight to sing her song. So I travel along in my life and have the opportunity to direct this show twice. All the time secretly wanting to be Sister Robert Anne. K, come back to my kitchen. I am reading this audition notice and I'm like, "Oh my gosh!! This is it! I have to try for this. Even if I don't get it, if I don't try I will regret it." So, I decide right then that I will go do this. This was a Saturday. The next day I get called into the Bishop's office and asked to be the Young Womens's Assistant Camp Director with camp being the exact same week as the performances of "Nunsense." Needless to say I looked straight to the heavens and with a lift of my arms said, "REALLY!?" The Bishop mostly looked confused. I decided it was not meant for me to choose between the two, but to try out and see where it landed.
So, I tried out. And thought I was going to pee my pants. I was so scared. I had forgotten the feeling. It was sort of a rush. And for the first time in my life I had a blast at an audition. I left it all there. I threw it out and let it hang on the walls, I was that good. It was good for me to stand in my students shoes for a minute. To feel the excitement of finding a monologue, working on a song, getting my resume ready was thrilling. I have a renewed respect for my cute little monkeys I teach.
And you are now looking at the current member of Clearfield Community Theater's production of "Nunsense" who will be playing the role of Sister Robert Anne!!
I am planning on blogging of this whole experience. It should be interesting to say the least. I haven't had to dance and sing at the same time for a very, very , VERY long time. It's going to be comical. And not necessarily in a good way.

Hiatus

You know, I realized the other day why I don't blog. I don't feel like I can say what I really need to. Like, some days I need to say, "What the hell?!" Other days warrant a dropping of the 'F' bomb. Yes, it's true. It's come out of my mouth. So, I'm thinking, "Sheesh, I can't write what's really going on in my head. My father-in-law may read this." However, out of anyone in my life he would probably understand. He taught driver's ed for like a century. So then I thought, "Okay then, just write what you need to in a journal. That way no one can read it." And you know what I think? I think secretly we want people to read out blogs. Maybe someone out there feels like I do on any given day. Who knows. So, I'm going to blog. Cuz some things are coming up that I'm going to need to talk about. Or rejoice about. Or send out into the blog universe just to feel like I am connected. Perhaps I shall give my blogs a movie rating so those of you out there who may read this will know which ones to skip or which ones are safe to read.
And I guess if you dont' like it, don't read the blog.